Catching Up Some More

November 21, 2009

I read an entire book yesterday titled, "I Child Called It."

It absolutely devastated me. Jump-started all sorts of emotions. Sitting at the dinner table with Gabe, I said that I just needed to cry for this child and feel what ever it was I was feeling. Later, I laid in bed and fell asleep with my clothes on around 7:30pm.

I want to paint again. I want to start making again, creating. Design work is a category all by itself, but I'm more or less just pushing stuff around a blank canvas in photoshop. It is very similar to my painting techniques, just less messy. This room needs to be christened with the scent of lavender oil and mineral spirits. I want more Debussy and less of the constant humm from my computer fan.

With the sky painted gray most days, and the cold creeping in a little more and a little more, I can't help but remember last winter and how cold, no frozen, everything was, all the time. I loved watching the snow fall outside and would run to the window sill to perch and watch for minutes at a time. From my window I became a bird, watching the sky, trapped inside but free to leave whenever I desired, with the warmth, holding me prisoner, like a hot cup of tea.