Life Before and After LifeAfter

I don’t know where to begin, really. I suppose I could just starting writing down what comes to mind first, and the thoughts will all eventually make order of themselves. There’s a middle ground between waking and sleeping, a ground that I mention a lot in my writing, where my surroundings are tangible, as are my dreams. Both seem to mesh together, however awake or asleep I may be. Incandescent in all senses of the word, this morning was not one of those mornings. There was no ambiguity, no “am I awake or still sleeping” question- mark. I assume a part of me mourned the fact that I was in the Swiss rhythm again, the same part of me that mourns the embrace of my family and my cherished friends back in America.

I stared out at my welcome- home bouquet of flowers while G slept silently six inches away. I gazed through the flowers, thinking, thankful I had gotten a whole nights’ sleep instead of my usual jet-lag-induced 3am arousal. Exhaustion goes against my choleric tendencies, so it took every bit of energy I could muster to clean up the kitchen, make the bed, and even shower. To miss one of these three things would normally be detrimental to my daily rhythm, but I was too tired to care.

While I was in America, I spent three Saturdays in a row devoting my full self to weddings. The first was Anna’s, a beautiful Christ-centered Catholic ceremony in Dothan, of which I was the matron of honor. My navy blue, floor length satin dress made me feel like I was walking down the red carpet at the Oscars instead of the red carpet at St. Columba’s Cathedral. The second was Courtney’s, the childhood friend who funded my trip in order to photograph her wedding. It was raining three days prior, and the forecast looked hopeless for Saturday. I spent every ounce of my energy preparing for a wedding in the rain by googling “rain on wedding day tips for photographers” and running around trying to find a rental camera to replace my D80, which abruptly, for no reason, quit responding to shutter commands on Thursday evening. In my hussy-fuss, Mom prayed over my camera and it suddenly started working again. I became more aware of Jesus being in control and how He rocks my socks off.

The wedding was wet, and it was perfect. Throughout the afternoon, the sky even opened up for a few minutes to give us some sunlight. After a 10 hour day on my feet, I crashed hard that night, relieved, thankful, and completely satisfied with my work. It was my first “big” wedding, and with help from the big guy in the sky, we pulled it off.

The following weekend was Suzannah’s wedding. Same thing, different day, minus the rain. I must say it was truly beautiful to experience the love and be completely incased in its splendor while I was photographing these couples. And although I loved the rush, I feel like my time as a wedding photographer will probably be short.

I spent ample time with both of my parents, both of my brothers, and the friends that came and went throughout those three weeks. I slept as much as I needed, read books, layed in the sun, and even cooked a few meals. Although I was missing Gabe like crazy, my love cup was full.

Now, I must tell you that what I experienced the following week was nothing short of extraordinary. I shall preface by saying that my trip was originally scheduled for three weeks, but I was asked to audition for a role in a television pilot called “LifeAfter” which was scheduled to shoot June 6-11. After much deliberation, and a peace in my heart about it, I decided to stay in America week longer than planned. I got the part and traveled to Birmingham to work five 12-hour days. Staying with Mandii in Montevallo, I was anxious to meet the rest of the cast as they came in from cities like Nashville, New York, and Orlando… actors with experience. They intimidated my secret self consciousnesses, and I hadn’t even met them yet. Ridiculous.



Alexander came from NYU, as theater major with an episode of Law & Order on his resume. On an SVU episode, he played the boyfriend who battered his girlfriend, but in real life I don’t think he would hurt a fly. I didn’t know what to do with Alex at first… I suppose I was expecting him to be just like everyone else, but his life experience was very different than mine. We talked often of this, heard each other’s opinions on certain subjects that we very much disagreed on, and throughout the week I really grew to like Alex as a person. His character on “LifeAfter” is named Josh, a student right out of law school with a livid temper and an alcoholic father. Josh picked the cute artsy girl at college to fall in love with, Rachel, and he wants to take the relationship a big step further even though she may not be ready. (Don’t worry… the script is PG rated). His father is a lawyer, and his father’s father is a lawyer, so he just wants to make his father happy by following in his footsteps. Unfortunately for Josh, no matter how hard he tries with his career efforts and his relationships, he keeps falling short. Alex plays the role of Josh very well, getting as much into character as he can. If Josh is depressed, Alex is depressed. If Josh is throwing a temper tantrum, Alex is throwing a temper tantrum. It made for a very entertaining day on set, to watch Alex in his method mentality.



Colleen came from Rollins College in Winter Park, FL and now lives in Orlando. She told me was born in upstate New York, and after three minutes of conversation with her over the hum of a buzzing fridge, we became instant friends. It was weird… I wanted to tell her how cool she was, how talented she was, how beautiful she was and how she was in inspiration to me even though I had only seen her audition tape. The fact that she may have concluded I was a little stalker-psycho helped me keep my mouth shut. She plays the role of Amanda, a beautiful girl also right out of college who has lost everything, including her home, and keeps it a secret that she lives in an abandoned van down a dirty alley. Amanda is so drop-dead gorgeous that no one will take her seriously in a job interview. The pressure is on her to get a job or she’ll be perpetually stuck in the van with her strung out mother. Colleen has the serious skills required to convey the emotional capacity Amanda’s character requires. I had tears streaming from my eyes as I watched her act out one of the last scenes when she finally gets a job out of desperation… but not the job she ever thought she’d take. Colleen and I had a connection that I can’t really explain… it was truly otherworldly. She’s also married, so that was cool for me.




Then there’s Jason who drove in from Nashville after knocking everyone off their feet with his audition. I saw a clip of it over the shoulder of an Erwin Brother and picked him immediately for Zack. (Not that I really had a say in the matter, but that was my thinking). He spoke so directly with his eyes, and there was an honest quality in his voice that demanded compassion. As Zack, this characteristic is essential. Jason was immediately a likeable person, as is the character of Zack, so it wasn’t difficult to fall right into a comfortable friendship with them both. I think everyone in the cast can agree with me when I say that Jason was the perfect person for the role. Fresh out of college with the rest of the gang, Zach finds himself in a difficult situation with his best friend since the age of seven – Rachel. The two have basically experienced life together, living across the street from one another throughout their childhood. The problems arise when Josh begins to feel threatened by Zach after finding out that he got a job at a top design firm. Josh is also threatened by Rachel and Zack’s friendship and expresses this in a variety of ways throughout the episode. Poor Zack does nothing but the right thing, and ends up with a pile of burned papers the day before his project is due. Because Jason is such a talented actor, he brings a vibe to the Zack table that is both endearing and enduring. Endearing because the audience roots for Zack… you want to see him succeed, be awarded for his integrity. He’s just a genuinely good guy. Enduring, because even after doing the right thing time and time again, and opening himself to the rejection of doors slamming in his face, Zack is still smiling. Jason nailed every scene so precisely that I began to believe he was Zack, this fictional character that came to life before everyone’s eyes. Jason rewrote his own version of Pinocchio.



The directors and anyone who saw his audition tape ware anxious to meet the face of Jeffery, the not so geeky geek with an IQ of 170. When Austin showed up with his thick-rimmed black glasses and his shiny red hair, I was bracing myself for some serious laughter. The youngest of the crew, graduating from high school early and continuing on through college with the rest of the cast, Jeffery is the socially awkward comic relief in the show. With all the drama and tears between Rachel, Colleen, Josh, and Zack, Jeffery’s role is essential in LifeAfter. He is a master of the rubix cube and believes that being able to show his rubix-cube skills to an interviewer will land him a job. Boy, was he in for a rude awakening. I watched Austin bring Jeffery to life and laughed these deep, silent laughs where I couldn’t really breathe because I didn’t want to mess up the shot. He had a great chemistry with the rest of the cast, and we often found ourselves sitting around talking nonsense that made sense.




And last, but certainly not least, there’s Brian, with one of the most glorious fohawks I have ever seen. Also coming in from Nashville, Brian plays the role of Mike, the coffee shop owner, who is the glue that holds all the pieces together. What “Central Perk” is to FRIENDS, Mike’s “O’Henry’s” is to LifeAfter. He is a friend to all the members the cast, and more than likely knows exactly how each one of them likes their coffee. Mike lets Rachel display some of her photography in the shop, which ultimately leads to her landing a job as a columnist. He lets homeless Amanda crash on the couch on occasion, and when Zack needs a place to work late, O’Henry’s is the place. Not much is known about Mike in this first episode, but it’s obvious that he is the all-around nice guy with an edge, and I’m sure he leaves everyone wondering, “What’s his story?”

Oh wait, there’s one more: Rachel! I play the role of Rachel, an art school graduate with serious trust issues. Rachel has a very deep friendship with Zack, which began at the age of seven a week after her mom was killed in a car accident. There are many facets to Rachel that are revealed one moment at a time, but it’s difficult to understand her irrationality about trust, about relationships, and even about cars. Sometimes you may find yourself wanting to shake some sense into her, while other times you just want to hug her. Josh makes her cry. Zack makes her smile. Josh yells at her. Zack comforts her. Things start to get confusing as she begins rethinking some of the decisions she’s made, and she finds herself quoting the famous Robert Frost poem, “The Road Less Traveled”. The problem is, she doesn’t know which road to choose. Playing the role of Rachel is emotionally draining but equally exhilarating because acting is about pretending to be someone else for a while. I found myself thinking as she would, and putting myself in her shoes off screen so I could better convey her on screen. Andy and John Erwin, the core duo of the Erwin Brothers, were tremendous directors and bloomed me into the actress they believed I could be. Andy was a constant encouragement and wasn’t afraid to tell me if I sucked or if I rocked. Jon’s enthusiasm for the beauty of the picture and the script was equally contagious and we all found ourselves devastated that it was coming to an end so fast.



By the fifth day of filming, I was so exhausted that the crying scenes weren’t too terribly difficult, and I missed my husband so I didn’t have to pretend to be sad. On the other side of that, I was feeling a sharp tinge of sadness because I knew it would all be over soon. Being who I am, it is from people that I get positive energy. I would be in an out of airports and on planes for the next 14 hours and I wasn’t looking forward to being alone again after such a fulfilling experience with all these beautiful people. At the end of it all, I really felt God’s blessing drifting in and around us as we said our goodbyes and I’ll-see-you-soon(s). I also believed that if this was something with God’s blessing on it, which most everyone can tell you they experienced, then this is only the beginning of something big. Cecil Stokes, of the new network launching our show, wrote:

A Very Unprofessional Email

In other words, this is from your friend Cecil, not Cecil with a title.

Being the most ancient one of us, I wanted to share a little wisdom. I have been on shoots for well over a decade and I want to tell you all something that you may not know - especially if you are relatively new to the game.

What we had last week with LIFE AFTER was not normal. Each of us experienced God's perfect will for our lives last week. We were all in the exact place God wanted at the exact time. That is why we are mourning the shoot being over, why we can't wait for it to start again, why we feel like we have known each other for years.

Don't expect to have shoots like that often in your careers. But hold precious the ones when you do. I cannot imagine why God called us together as He did, but I am very excited to see what happens.

Don't compare our week last week to other shoots, it was truly otherworldly.

-Cecil

The last day of shooting went beautifully. It was certainly an experience to have my face really close to the face of another male actor for a scene in which Rachel and Zack almost lock lips (we’re talking maybe one inch) for takes until 3:45am in the morning, but Jason did everything he could to be respectful and understand why I sometimes laughed and sometimes found it easy to cry. I learned that it is completely possible to just be acting out a scene, but it would have helped if Gabe could have been there. Hopefully next time, he will be.

I was scheduled to catch a noon flight out of Birmingham the next day. The flights went smoothly, no complications, and I arrived in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Gabriel was waiting for me at the airport and I hugged him so tightly it took my breath away. The next couple of days were kind of a blur. In my “recovery” Gabe was patient with me and even cooked or went on a sandwich run for most of the meals. I slept anywhere I could lay my head, and experienced a kind of exhaustion previously unknown to me. Monday, Gabe left for work after I made him an egg sandwich and a coffee. I spent the rest of the day giving in to my fatigue and checking facebook for LifeAfter updates. Today is the first day I haven’t fallen asleep and it is also the first day I’ve written down what I experienced the past month.

Maybe you’re reading this, wondering “what’s the big deal?” I honestly can’t tell you yet. I can try, but I will probably fail. Alex, Colleen, Jason, Austin, and Brian may have a similar story to tell, or their experience may have been simpler, a less intense, less wordy version than my own. But this is my perspective, and I feel like if I don’t write it down, in all its redundant glory, it may die before I can recall it back again. That is a risk I cannot afford to take. So here I am, sitting like Doogy Houser at my computer, remembering (minus the cheesy voiceover...that comes later in the show.) And don’t worry, Cecil. I am holding precious this maybe once-in-a-lifetime thing. Hats off to the otherworldly.